Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Emotional me... I'll always be that girl!

I know this is gonna start off sounding like a regular "anti men" blog... but its not so just hear me out. lately I have been super emotional. I really just got out a 3 year... well I dont know weather to call it a relationship or a setback. now... it took me 3 years to find my strength because I was looking for "closure". well I finally have that and seriously I just realize it wasnt worth the extra wasted time. Every day waking up not knowing if I will be reminded once again how I wasnt "enough" and how someone else always was and being reminded of how weak I was. always being scared to leave just to find the next guy was gonna be just like him... honestly it was enough to drive a person crazy. but dispite all that... I did love him... once. so no the closure I finally found was not worth all the pain but the experiance of being in love was. I just now almost wish it would have ended sooner... so I wouldnt have all these horrible memories to block out the good ones from way back when. so another guy comes into my life and he's wonderful!... he would probably be more wonderful if I wasnt so crazy. lol. but eventhough things are not ending in a happily ever after this is good enough. they say everyone comes into your life for a purpose well he showed me I deserve for someone to be nice to me :) and thats a great feeling. Hes a wonderful guy... any girl that gets him is lucky as hell.but I do have a friend at the end of it... hopefully lol so thats my thanks to him. at the end of this whole ordeal I just realize I need to focus on myself and be happy with the people god has blessed me with. Love will come if you deserve it. and through everything my friends have been there. They have wiped my tears time and time again but never called me stupid. They have come to my resue whenever I needed. Brought me the flowers a boyfriend never has (paymon lol). spent time with me when I was alone. and I was ALWAYS good enough for them :) I'm prolly gonna get cussed out for even writing all this but he should know I love him... its just I can only be me and I can only make myself forgive so much before its a front.

so my points are at the end of this blog...

dont worry about nobody whos not worried about u
if your a good person you deserve that in return
at the end of they day love aint shit without a friendship and a respect
and sometimes closure is just realizing within yourself its not worth waiting for...

as of right now I am still stuck in detroit
got a test shoot with "SHOW MAGAZINE" on feb 7th... I'm geeked
school starts soon UGH!
My bestie kristen has decided to move to the promise land with me (phoenix)
YAY! I got alot on my plate...

but now I have accepted the fact I will never be a perfect girl
I'll always be ditzy, emotional, and alittle off... and yea sometimes I FREAK OUT!
but I can be happy with that :)

P.S..... Kanye West new album is like a soundtrack for suicide! WTF it makes me super depressed!

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Current Jamz::
"Rehab"- Rihanna

Quote of the Day::
"I'm so startled!" lmao (inside)

3 comments:

Ace Black said...

awwwww.. it's all good dearest.. you've felt joy and we're human so pain comes along with that..

glad you've come to terms with your ditzyness ;-) j/k.. a friend is always a good thing to have..

see you when you get back to phoenix.. Special K. :-p

ChynaRae52 said...

ITS MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! CHYYYNNNAAAAA... I just got off the phone with your ass but YAYYYY im glad ur FINALLY HAPPY and realizin tha shit I've always tried to tell u.!! But YAY for happiness and get the FUCK outta Detriot b4 u end up on the FIRST 48!!!!

Hopefully I can come visit your ass in AZ soon.. Imma poor ass.. Ill come eventually though..

Love you!! ttyl!!!!

Karma said...

how silly...three year relationship? lmao the nigga was married. i should show this to my girl...