Sunday, July 27, 2008

In over My head

I have been through alot this week and realized alot of things. I have a hand full of real friends and I'm happy with that. Some people socialize with everyone and dont have one real friend and I'm so lucky not to be like that. I'm gonna stop tryna please everyone and be thankful for the friends I have and who are pleased by me just being myself. "the EX" has been around all this week. Thats a whole other confusing story in its self :-/ Sometimes I wish I never met him so it would be easier but that would be like erasing a part of myself. In a strange way he is still like my best-friend and I find comfort in him..... I'm moving back home to my dads house to prepare for the BIG move.... to chicago. Nobody gets it but a couple people. I ALWAYS wanted to move to chicago. I dont necessarily wanna stay forever but its something I would love to experience. Plus I think living somewhere else makes someone a more interesting person. This party promoting stuff is getting to be a drag.... not enough money and way to much drama. I have never been one to be full of drama even in high school. It seems since Ive been in the party scene I have not only heard so much random stuff about myself but drama is seeming to follow me. I just wanna LIVE!!!!!!

On another note ...Random things I been thinkin about::
I hate how niggas say "no homo" after everything. ok so have u noticed its either to cover up something not homo at all like "that nigga shirt is sweet as hell... NO HOMO!" which in this case it in-fact amplifies the fact that you are not comfortable with your sexuality and makes you seem oh so homo. OR its to try to cover up something EXTREMELY Homo like "I like to rub lube around my butt hole.... NO HOMO!!!" Which in this case "no homo" cannot excuse the homo moment you just had... just a thought.. LOSE THE PHRASE "NO HOMO"

Another thing.... Ladies.... if your man is not fucking you it IS for one of the following reasons::
1. He's fucking someone else
2.He cant get it up and he dont wanna hoe his self
3. He's gay....

Dont fight it.... guys just dont turn down pussy.

Also... Atlanta is starting to piss me off 4real. Its taking all my friends for NO FUCKING REASON!!! ... I mean I can understand if you actually DO have REAL business opportunities waiting for you there but other than that people are just going to atlanta because they think its the fucking promise land... yes... ATL is WAYYYY better than detroit but NEWS FLASH!!!!! Detroit just has a fucked up economy so almost EVERYWHERE is better than Detroit. But still the chances of you moving to Atlanta and walking down the street and someone offering you a wonderful job is still slim to none. Lets expand our thoughts to more than just Atlanta because its becoming the default city real talk. and your gonna walk down the street and see 10 people you went to high school with because EVERYBODYS MOVING TO ATLANTA!!!!

just some thoughts...

Current Jamz::
"in over my head"- The Fray

Quote of the Day::
"I wish you were a stranger I could disengage. just say that we agree and then never change"

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

One Day

One day I'll be happy
One day I'll be satisfied
One day I'll wake up
And forget all the tears I cried
One day I'll get it together
One day friends will be real
One day I'll get over
The things only time can heal
One day I'll stop cryin
and wake up with a smile apon my face
One day I'll open up my heart
and find another to take his place
One day I'll get away
To a place I wanna be
One day I'll stop caring so much
and start doing things 4 me
One day things will change
but today is not that day
I gotta make a change tho
Some how some way


Random free write... its not that good but its ok for something quick

Monday, July 21, 2008

Stalkers, Sisters, Rumors, & Drunkin Nights

So Let me start by saying that I'm Wonderous.....

At Berts Saturday I was having a wonderous time as usual when my laughter soon came to a hault when I realized crazy ass dave with the grill brought his old ass into this 18+ club... being the crazy person that he is he harassed me the entire night. Despite my attempts to ignore him he continued to follow me to the car ranting and raving about god knows what until I ran into a group of guys that happen to be bigger than him. By The way I was Drunk as hell.... I couldnt even drive. (Side note:: NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!!!). I also ran into someone who helped me out alot.... someone's "sister". Thanks girl. I just needed to get that clarity.

As far as my last blog. I feel WAY better about everything now. Thanks for caring :)
"if I didnt do the things I do I wouldnt be me"... Well if thats what you tell yourself to convince yourself that your are a good person then so be it lol

Apparently Alex, Randi, & I are being stalked.... cool for me because I have fans....not cool for them because I guess they have nothing better to do. NOTE TO STALKER('s):: Hello.... its nice to know you love me :) the feeling isnt mutual

Woah is me *hand on 4head* the life of a facebook celebrity is SOOOO hard lol

Seriously I wish I could just move away and start over.... but I'm so scared of finding the same unhappiness I have here :(
Dante Lets just go! lol

Current Jamz::
"Thanks for the Memories" -Fall out boy

Quote of the Day::
"Drama doesnt follow me it rides on my back"

Friday, July 18, 2008

Give me something to believe in...

once again.... "the ex" has proved everyone right. fucked up again. flipped it around on me. and made me cry. He's sorry... ok but thats not enough to heal everything he has never even apologized for on top of this. Yes we are broken up but that doesnt excuse constant disrespect toward someone you supposedly love.Maybe I'm just to nice... and to sensitive. so for the first time... I have nothing to say. I went through so many emotions in the past 24 hours and now I'm just numb....

Current Jamz::
"Makes me wonder" -Maroon 5

Quote of the Day::
"give me something to believe in cuz I dont believe in you anymore"

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Good day... well not really.

SO my car wont start AND I need to find somewhere to move to ASAP. Of corse I got friends and family and well... my ex (now sure what to call him) wanting me with them. But I gotta find my own and I'm not rushing a thing. I miss "the ex" but in a way of like missing the past I guess. I mean who doesnt kinda miss the feeling of fresh love in the air. but in the same sense I know it will never be the same because I will NEVER be enough anymore so I stopped trying.which always now gives me the feeling of not being enough for the next guy or anything for that matter.I love him but that doesnt mean shit will get better.Maybe thats wat is fucked up because some people NEVER find love... and this is like a wase of it. plus time. Butt butt has been crankey... but eh... as much as I try to make everyone happy sometimes I just cant but crankey people scare me because I'm so happy and I dont want anyone to bring me down. but I actually seem to care about him alot which is scary. Me n Randi got in our first real arguement... it makes me nervous because it hurts to lose people. not saying just one arguement will cause me to lose someone but I just dont like the feeling. Money is somewhat of an issue right now because I need so much at one time. I'm moving and my car got broken at the same time. I guess I might have to join the work force :-/. my mom read my horoscope... well a more indetail one just about my personality based on the date and time of my birth. it was creepy because it was 100% right. is it 2 early to start planning my birthday party if its in october??? I been a real bitch 2day because I feel hopeless.... but 2moro I'm gonna have a good day.

Current Jamz::
"Good Day" -Nappy Roots

Quote of the day::
"just because you love someone doesnt mean you have to be with them. Love is not a bandage to heal wounds"

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Them young girls. they do get weary. Maybe if we had beautiful insides we wouldnt have that problem :-/

eh.... dont know how to feel about today. my father is a complete retard and ruined the first half of my day. so after I came home and to my surprise zeno and damon were at my house with the other member 2 the "brothers four"... and he was just as wonderful as the rest :) we are going to make beautiful music together. lol because he will be writing a song for me soon. I'm super excited about that. then they left me :( *sad times*. Then I got another honesty box message telling me how apparently I'm not that pretty and I have a horrible attitude and I'm oh so stuck up. and telling me I need to work on my inner beauty :-/.... I guess I'm suppose to have a Beautiful pancreas??? lol but seriously this is clearly another person who got all their info off of facebook or possibly some he said she said because they dont seem to know me very well :-P...*sigh* the life of a facebook celebrity. Went to visit a friend... we had fun for a short period of time. I needed to get my mind off of some things and he helped. I come home and realized I only talked to butt butt baby once today and it was only for like 2 seconds! WATS ALL THAT ABOUT?!?! ANARCHY!!!!!!!!! Seriously...y am I so concerned???? all these things keep going thru my head wondering why I haven't had much contact all day. I need to shake this feeling and not get attached. I'll get it together.... at the end of the day I just wanna love and be loved... but I'm always to scared to take those steps towards it. I need somebody to "try a little tenderness" lol

Current Jamz::
"Try a little tenderness" - Chris brown

Quote of the day::
" I'm tired of this crap about beauty only being skin deep. What am I suppose to have a beautiful pancreas?!?!"

something i thought was funny :)

Ghetto Superstar.... Well... not exactly but I am a Facebook Celebrity lol

Today was a simple yet fun day. I went swimming in the little baby indoor pool for all of 15 minutes with randi and kris. Ate Cho-Chos (nachos) . I had way more fun than I thought 2day... went to a secret location. We watched TV and Video Games and Ate Snacks :)... Talked to my ex that was... confusing in its self. He gives me mixed emotions. but for the most part its always like a heartbreaking feeling all over again. Just like the first, second, third, fourth, and so on times he has been so careless with my heart. Anycrap... enough of that emotional shit.random:: Being in real studios does nothing but make me wonder what it would be like if it were me. could it be me? I feel like it would be to late and to random for the most part because I'm simply known for just being lucky laura. I spent to much time letting myself be held back by others.

Memory:: Little 4 year old me running around the house puttin on Aretha Franklin and singing along to "chain of fools" lmao...

Random thought:: I would hate to be ugly.... Beauty cant give you everything but it can give you more than someone without good looks...
I'd also hate to be poor...
NEWS FLASH!!!! MONEY is NOT the Root to all Evil... LACK of Money is!!!
Sorry just keepin it real ya'll

Back to my blog. So I AM apparently a Facebook Celebrity from what I'm being told. From my Notes, Video blogs, status', Pics etc... but what will it take for me to be a all around true celebrity??? hard work? dedication?... ok thats fine with me but where do I start because I'm unsatisfied now with being just a "Facebook Celebrity". On another note... I have a lot of great people in my life. I'm so pleased about that. I'm so fortunate to have these people because I could be stuck with sucky boring people in my life. "the simplest things are the best"... I dont like people for what they have or what they can do for me. I just want someone to go 2 meijer with me at 5am to drive the handicapped carts thru the toy section! lmao. I just love these people because they can fill my life with wonderous random moments :)

Current Jamz::

"Ghetto Superstar"- ODB Ft Mya

Quote of the Day::

"I dont care about making money. I just want to be Wonderful!"

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Being Grown Up isnt Half as Fun as Growing Up

Finding yourself should be fun! Sure we all are gonna mess up but its apart of growing so why cant it just be counted as just that. Not saying that mistakes should go without consequence but people are so judgmental these days. Me personally I dont wanna be like everyone else and I dont feel like I should be judged for that. I'm defiantly not trying to be grown up right now but I'm welcoming the journey with open arms. Sometimes the journey is the best part. I know I cant do it according to what everyone else thinks is the right way. I gotta take my own path :) I'm trying to surround myself now with people who are understanding and accepting of that. Its hard because for so long all the important people in my life held me back as I allowed them to. My dad laughs in my face constantly laughs in my face at my feelings, hopes, and dreams. He bribes me and pushes me to stay at this effin community college in hopes that I will become more practical. My mother just isnt happy unless I move to Arizona to be with her. My ex who I just happen to love to death just cant seem to accept me for the person I am and have always been. It kinda has hurt feeling like nothing I am or want can please them. The feeling of unworthiness is a bitch. But now I kinda figured I gotta do what I want for me and hope we can all fall into place and be accepting of each other. I'm just gonna enjoy my journey to grown up land.

Current Jamz::
" I'm in love with a girl" -Gavin DeGraw

Quote of the day::

"being grown up isnt half as fun as growing up. these are the best years of our lives. All that really matters if just following our hearts and eventually we'll finally get it right"